How to Get Exactly What You Want from Your Marriage

October 29, 2014 Comments Off on How to Get Exactly What You Want from Your Marriage
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Photo taken 17 May 2003 and uploaded by photographer (Casito).
by Michelle Klavohn

What is Your Marriage Bull’s-Eye?

If you were to fast forward your marriage a year down the road, what would you hope to see? How about 3 years? 10 years? And what will create that picture?

More than what the economy does, more than what grades your kids get, more than what job you or your spouse may hold, having clarity on what you really want for your marriage holds powerful influence on your outcome. Author Joseph Murphy declares, “We go where our vision is.”


But exactly how does a couple come up with that picture? In my coaching work I find that people often have much clearer vision for the future than what they realize. I could ask someone “what is your vision for your marriage?” and I would get the response “Gosh, I don’t know.” Maybe some vague generalities… happiness… health… income…??” Blank stares fill the space.

But when we explore additional questions, there are often very vivid pictures buried down inside. Beautiful pictures. Full of life. Captivating. Oozing with energy and motivation.

It’s the process of getting to those pictures that’s where the gold is found. Here are some simple action steps to get you started:

Create space.
The reality is that many people are foggy about what they desire for their relationship because they live with so little margin that there is no room to consider it. Start small if you need to. Mark an hour on your calendar right now to find a quiet, beautiful spot and open your mind to the dreams that you want for your home. Maybe make a coffee date with your partner to reconnect with some of the hopes and dreams that you share. What on your agenda is more important than that?

Get clear on several important questions.
What do we want people to say about us as a couple?
What are 6-8 times you know your marriage was in your “flow” of who you want to be?
What was happening then?
What made it meaningful?
What legacy would you like your marriage to have?

Some bite-size steps like these could be just enough to get you going on a piece of life that holds great reward. There are certainly many questions and resources to use to go deeper, but choosing to start is very empowering.

After all, it’s hard to hit the bull’s-eye if you don’t have a target.

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