Is your communication healthy or unhealthy?

July 20, 2011 2 COMMENTS
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Sometimes, the communication between spouses is off-balance. While this needs to be corrected, it isn’t always easy to know where to start.

Ask your spouse to set aside time for the both of you to evaluate the ways you communicate with each other. Talk about the following signs of healthy and unhealthy communication.

Signs of healthy communication:

  • Ability to focus on us
  • Ability to listen to others
  • Ability to be vulnerable

Signs of unhealthy communication:

  • Focus only on topics and other things
  • Minimizing the issues being discussed
  • Moving away emotionally

Where do you fall? Are there areas that you both could improve?

Dr. Dale Goodman, Pastoral Counselor

2 Responses to “Is your communication healthy or unhealthy?”

  1. July 22, 2011 at 7:38 am, anonymous said:

    Sometimes when I am talking with my husband, I feel like we’ve communicated well. But then later he doesn’t remember that we agreed to something. Other times I feel like he just isn’t listening at all…. doesn’t he care about me? We’ve been married over 10 years.

    We are focused on topics generally. We are both opened and honest = vulnerable to each other. I feel like I am listening to him … but that he isn’t listening to me…. not sure where we fall in this healthy vs unhealthy. But one thing we both agreed on is that we promised that we would say what we meant and not make each other guess what we’re thinking. What we say is what we mean.

    Lately though, it’s just like he doesn’t want to hear what I have to say. But I know he loves me though…

  2. July 22, 2011 at 9:51 am, Dr. Dale Goodman said:

    Thank you for your post. I appreciate you sharing about your communication concerns. I am glad to see you both are striving to be opened, honest and forthright. Possibly, this is where you begin with your husband, to open, honest and forthright about your observations. Is he aware of your concerns? If not, see what he has to say and possibly he would become a more intentional listener, as well as, offer some helpful solutions.

    At the heart of all good communication is the need to be heard and understood. When we are not connecting, we are not communicating.

    So here are a few tips.
    • Make sure you have his undivided attention – No distractions like tv, computer, cell phone, etc.
    • Timing is everything – Choose a good time to communicate that you both agree too.
    • Confirm he got it– Often I will ask my wife to repeat back to me what I said. Something like this: “Honey, what did you hear me saying? or “I just want to make sure we are on the same page, can you share with me what I said.”
    • Write it down – if you write down what you agreed upon then this may help. Also, you could have both of you sign off on your agreements with a date. Just a thought.

    In closing, thank you for your effort. You are on the right track!

    Toward healthy marriages,

    Dr. Dale Goodman, Pastoral Counselor