Do You Know Your Love Language?

For many years into our marriage, one way I would show love for my husband was by doing something for him. Whether it was making a delicious meal or cleaning the house, I thought these acts of service were expressions of my love for him. Little did I realize that he was not reading those messages the same way I was sending them.

One day I came across a great book entitled, “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate” by Gary Chapman, that opened my eyes to what I was doing. I was showing my husband love in the way that I wanted to be shown love rather than the way that he needed to be shown love. After all these years of “missing it” with each other, the insights in Chapman’s book took our relationship to another level.

The book contains a brief inventory that helps determine which of five love languages a person has and ranks them from strongest to least. My inventory revealed that “acts of service” was my #1 way I like to be shown love. However, “acts of service” was one of the least ways my husband felt loved from me. His #1 way of feeling loved was through “time” spent with me. Time. Hmmmm. It turns out that my endless acts of well-intentioned service were actually keeping me from spending time with him— the very thing he wanted most from me. Worse still, they were communicating I was too busy for him rather than the warm thoughts and feelings I thought I was sending.

If you have not discovered your love languages yet, let me encourage you to check out Gary Chapman’s book for yourself. You might find out that you and your spouse are also “missing it,” just like we were!