Preventing a Marital Affair

One of the greatest enemies to marriage is neglect. It is, at times, very difficult to detect. Yet over time it can undermine and derail any potentially good marriage. Are you neglecting your marriage? For most couples, it is truly a matter of priority that holds your marriage at a high level of honor, care, and commitment for the lifetime of your marriage.

Why Partners Stray
There are plenty of reasons for you to end up in an emotional or sexual affair. However, most of these reasons hold very little weight. These reasons could be found in your job, children, sports, hobbies, in-laws, friends, or unresolved issues of hurt, loss, anger, depression, betrayal, and bitterness. It could even be because of the toxic poisoning of your past that is silently and secretly seeping into your marriage. This toxic poisoning may often come from hidden pain deep in your heart and mind that came with the horrendous abuse* you experienced from your parents, family members, friends, or others.

If you are neglecting your marital relationship, you may be part of the problem that could cost you your marriage. You cannot neglect your marriage partner and think it may not undermine your marriage. The following are just a few suggestions toward affair-proofing your marriage:

  • Make time for each other. When was the last time you had a date night?
  • Talk to each other. When was the last time you truly talked with each other?
  • Laugh with each other. When was the last time you laughed together?

To keep your marriage passionate, alive, and honest, you first need to believe marriage can work and that you can have a meaningful marriage.

Here are some questions you may want to ask your marriage partner:

  • Is there anything I am doing or have not done that makes you feel less loved in our marriage?
  • Is there anything I am doing that is hurting our relationship?
  • Is there anything I am doing that makes you feel uncared for?
  • Is there anything I am doing that makes you more vulnerable to an affair?
  • Is there anything I can do to help you feel more honored and loved in our relationship?
  • If you had three wishes that could improve our marriage, what would they be?
  • Remember when we used to laugh, have fun, and enjoy each other? What were we doing then and what can we do now to recapture some of these again for our lives?

What do you want in your life and marriage? What do you believe God wants for your life and marriage?

—Dale Goodman, marriage counselor

*Types of abuse often occurring with someone you have entrusted yourself: emotional, verbal, physical, and sexual.